We’re So Glad You Moved to Minnesota, Here’s What We Forgot to Tell You

We recently shared some audio stories from transplants on the podcast, and it got me thinking about some of the unique intricacies of life in the Twin Cities. The Twin Cities claim a complicated mix of reputations. We are known worldwide for our passive aggressiveness. We are known, but misunderstood, for our love of lakes. And now we are also recognized for a network of mutual support and resistance that has been cultivated locally for years but attracted national attention during Operation Metro Surge. Of course, some of the things that make the Twin Cities special can only be understood when you’re on the ground. Consider this the inside scoop for new arrivals to Minnesota.

We Are Weird About Spicy Food

A lot of people claim that Minnesotans hate spicy food, and that is largely true. But it’s not so much that we hate it – it’s that we don’t understand it. Most restaurants let you order your dish on a spice level of 1-5. No one orders 1 unless you are feeding a child or a childlike adult. No one orders 5 unless you have a death wish. Level 5 is not spicy food; it’s “ I dare you” food. It is spicier than almost anyone would want, and it is spicy food as imagined by a person who hates spicy food. Level 5 at most Minnesota restaurants is like someone opened up the jar of spices with no attention to moisture and balance. Keep your order between 2-4, and you’ll be like the rest of us, and boy, do Minnesotans like acting like the rest of Minnesota!

When You Hear a Siren, You’ll See White Lights at Intersections

In the Twin Cities, you’ll be driving around, hear a police siren, and suddenly notice a white light on top of a stoplight. Those are called preemption devices, and they aren’t all that common in the US.

Solid white light means the emergency vehicle is on the same street as you. Flashing lights mean the emergency vehicle is approaching the intersection from another street.

Either way, the light means pay attention, be safe, and give emergency vehicles the right of way.

Sirens Ring at 1 p.m. on the First Wednesday of the Month

Minnesota tests its outdoor warning sirens at 1 p.m. on the first Wednesday of the month. It’s just a test. It’ll last a minute, and then it’s done. But that’s not in the brochure – they didn’t tell me about that when I moved here.

We Didn’t Just Get into the WNBA Like the Rest of You Jerks

We get it. We’re also glad Caitlin Clark is part of the nouveau wave of WNBA enthusiasm, but don’t act like she’s the start of the story, especially not here in Minnesota. We’ve been winning titles since 2011, and if the referees could get their heads out of their own rear ends, we’d have a couple more banners in the rafters. The Lynx are big business; they sell tickets, and they draw coverage. The Lynx hive is huge, and as our recent guest Steve Marsh pointed out, “they know ball”.

There’s a Trick to Driving Between Downtowns

If you find yourself in downtown St. Paul and you need to get to Minneapolis, hop on 6th Street and find I-94 West. Likewise, if you’re in downtown Minneapolis and need to get to St. Paul, hop on 6th Street and find I-94 East. This little trick was a godsend for my family when we got here. Both 6th Streets are one-way streets, so this trick is nearly foolproof.

We Want Extra Ranch

In Minnesota, 78% of us would like a side of ranch. And 100% of that 78% doesn’t want a little ass ramekin of ranch that gets spent on two french fries tops. Bring us one of those metal guys with a little depth to it. And then bring us another. Thank you.

Our Serving Sizes are Shocking

Even at the fanciest restaurants in town, it’s not likely you’ll go hungry. If you order an entree, you’re going to get a decent serving. And although the plates might be small, even our appetizer servings are generally hearty.

We Walk Around Lakes All the Time

Minnesotans love walking around lakes, maybe even more than we love ranch dressing. A Minnesotan will invite you to walk around a lake in the middle of winter. On a small enough lake, many Minnesotans will suggest walking around it again. This is insane, but we do it.

We Put “Lake” in Front of the Names of Some Lakes and Behind Others

Lake Minnetonka, Como Lake, Lake of the Isles, Cedar Lake, Lake Harriet. If someone invited me to Harriet Lake, I would be certain I was talking to an AI agent pretending to be a human.

Rush Hour Sucks, But Not Enough to Pay for E-ZPass

Rush hour sucks, but it doesn’t suck enough to spend money making it suck less. In my entire life in Minnesota, I have never met someone who pays for E-ZPass.

We Don’t Zipper Merge

We should zipper merge – it’s the law. But we just can’t do it. When MNDOT puts up a sign that says “single lane traffic 255 miles ahead,” we will all move over to the single lane right then and mercilessly judge anyone who takes advantage of the 254.5 miles when the road still features multiple lanes.

You Will Get a Little Glass of Beer with your Bloody Mary

If you’re from Wisconsin, you can skip this part. When you order a Bloody Mary, the server will also bring you a little glass of beer, usually a lager. It’s great. We don’t know why this one didn’t go national. This little beer is the perfect sip after a couple of long pulls off your Bloody.

We Don’t Have Mountains, But Our Nature is Boundless And Accessible

The Twin Cities provide a level of convenient access to nature that is unparalleled among major American cities. Both cities routinely land at the very top of national park ratings. But that obscures an equally important fact, which is that you can be in dense, beautiful, and fully non-urban environs within 20 minutes from the Twin Cities in any direction. Yes, the mountainous views of Denver are a screaming reminder of the amazing nature that surrounds it, but quietly, the Twin Cities are an absolute magnet for outdoor lovers. Next time you need an escape from city life, look no further than the nearest regional or state park and rejoice in the natural offerings.

We Care About Hockey Too Much

Minnesota loves hockey. A ton of bars all around the Twin Cities will run a courtesy bus to and from Wild games. The Timberwolves command similar attendance to the Wild, but you will not see the same level of fanfare or enthusiasm for the Wolves. Good luck asking a bar to change the screen to the Wolves if the Wild are on. If the Wild are in the postseason, we collectively lose our minds. The Timberwolves have gotten to the Western Conference finals two years in a row, but the energy isn’t the same here. They still won’t put the sound on for the Wolves, even in the postseason.

Our Breakfast Can Beat Up Your Breakfast

The Twin Cities have an incredible breakfast scene, and there are tricks of the trade to skip the long waits and enjoy some great eats. Maria’s Cafe offers Cachapas Venezolanas, pancakes that are unparalleled in this hemisphere. They are corn pancakes with cotija cheese, and they are the greatest breakfast on planet Earth. We more than hold our own in the world of potatoes. Our contributor, Kirstie Kimball, crowned Our Kitchen as the finest browns in town in a recent episode. We have internationally awarded cinnamon rolls. We are also innovators in the realm of breakfast food with locally recognized entrees like the Cajun and the Tex-Mex. We do breakfast better than you. Our best breakfasts are the best, and importantly, our average breakfasts are still pretty good.

The Cheeseburgers are Better

Anytime you are at a place with a great juicy lucy, the locals will be ordering the cheeseburger instead. Why? Because you only need to get your entire throat burnt by liquid cheese once in your life. Buy the juicy lucy, take the picture, and then switch back to cheeseburgers. They’re better. Sorry!

We Should Dance. We Don’t Dance

Spend any time with a band after they play in Minnesota, and they might be pacing back and forth backstage saying, “What did we do wrong? Why did they just stand there the whole time?” I’ve seen Minnesotans not dance to Prince. I’ve seen Minnesotans not dance to Malamanya. There are exceptions, of course! I’ve seen Minnesotans sweat it out and get moving to all sorts of sounds. But I’ve seen the opposite much more frequently. Don’t worry bands that are coming to Minnesota … we like you a lot, we just are afraid of our own bodies and spirits. We will stand like we are in line for a deep audit and then give you a rapturous standing ovation and beg for an encore.

Four-Way Stops Are Our Kryptonite

I stole this one from the great writer and personality, Randball Stu, and the amazing article he wrote for Surly when we hosted the Super Bowl years ago. Stu wrote that if “you get to a 4-way stop at roughly the same time as another driver(s), your best bet is to just abandon the car, get out, and walk to your destination, as who gets to go first will never be resolved by conventional means.” The faux-courtesy waving, not-waving, stop-start of a badly timed 4-way stop is terrible. Imagine low-energy ballet being performed by a Ford Explorer and a Kia. Now stop imagining. That’s just life.

Everyone Has a Prince Story, No One has a Dylan Story

Prince spent a lot more of his life in Minnesota than Dylan. Everyone in the music world here is one degree of separation away from Prince. The dude mastering your record probably mixed a record for Prince. The stage manager at your release show probably worked security for Prince. Prince stories are everywhere in the Twin Cities. In comparison, it’s hard to nail down many details at all about Dylan’s activities in the Twin Cities.

We Don’t Leave the Last Piece of Cookie Because We’re Nice, We Leave it Because We’re Lazy

If you bring a dozen donuts to your Minnesota office, chances are that the last old-fashioned will be razor-bladed into smaller and smaller pieces until it is two-dimensional. This is not passive-aggressive. This is unbridled laziness. Whoever takes that last piece will have to figure out where that weird box is supposed to go. Whoever eats that last piece might have to go down to the basement, where the recycling is. Whoever eats that last piece might have to clean the tupperware that the office treats came in. And that is just beyond us. It’s much better to enjoy a sliver of a stale donut than be forced to engage in any type of community building.

The Only Thing We Love More Than Shoveling is Complaining About It

We shovel a lot of snow in Minnesota. And we love talking about it. “It’s a heavy snow. It’s a light snow. It wasn’t worth bringing out the snowblower. It’s slippery. It’ll melt soon enough, but I’m still going to run out there and get in a little.” We are happy to shovel our neighbors' walk as long as there are at least three other neighbors we can complain about it to.

We Have “Good Tricks”

Based on research culled from OnlyFans, Minneapolis leads the Midwest in per capita payments to OnlyFans. Andi Snow, the Executive Director of the Sex Workers’ Outreach Project (SWOP), credits it to Minnesota’s long history of having “good tricks”. When she joined City Cast Twin Cities on a recent show, Snow pointed out that “they know to pay up front” and thinks that they treat their sex worker budget similar to the way they plan a weekend trip to see a Timberwolves game: ”he has his weekend planned, like, he knows what he's gonna do, and he knows how much he's gonna spend”.

We Are Anecdotally “Where All The Trans People Are”

The data backs up what we’ve heard from our friends in the trans community. According to a study out of UCLA, Minnesota has the highest share of adults who identify as trans in the nation. Minnesota also passed a trans refuge law in 2023. Our episode with State Representative Leigh Finke sheds more light on Minnesota’s disproportionate role for the trans community on a national level.